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i've liked music. arguably not a controversial take. people tend to like music.
for me though, my family wasn't much into music, growing up we didn't really have music playing in the house, and sometimes we had it in the radio. my house was filled with silence rather than anything else.
that's really influenced my world. music feels like something i have to hide away, something i can't share with people or talk about liking.
i feel uncomfortable playing my music on speakers in my own place of living... in fear of making others not like it? i guess?
as i write this, i paused to just turn the speakers on and play some music actually. it feels strange.
i also have gotten criticized a lot for my tastes. music included... thinking about that now, it really did create a compound affect on me.
then when i was in elementary my mom had me take guitar lessons for some reason. i never thought as to why. but i did them for some time, but i don't recall ever actually practicing at home...
i never practiced at home. in part because of the silence of the house.
eventually that dropped. so when i was in middle school she signed me up for the band program and i did that on various instruments for the next 8 years or so.
i did them through college, and was in some community groups as well playing classical music. i guess i've always liked music.
but i never have felt like i was a part of making or enjoying music...that's strange.
and something i want to change. so i work on that. i work on changing how i feel about music. and i try to make it a better part of my life.
i've done this by largely removing streaming from spotify etc. making music more a thing i try to do and enjoy more than anything else. things like that.
i also am trying to get back into the creation of music as well. it's something i did used to care about. and something i'm going to try to care more about going forward.
i keep coming across synthesizers in my feeds every so often, and have always loved the sounds of electronic music or even of just what people create in general. so i want to keep up with those ideas.
make something. enjoy it. pass it along, and get hurt when i hear the feed back. hah!
that's what happens, and then i stop for a while, as i have done many a time in the past actually. who knows maybe i'll try to do it a little past that this time. i find that i want to. so i'll at least give it another try, and another and maybe another. we'll see how that goes