losing pets
sometimes you meet up with a lovely pet and you keep loving onthem you just knowt he time won't be forever but you appreciate what time you have anyway.
it's a nice thing. it's a lovely time.
but it's hard regardless.
knowing that my pet won't be around for ever, that i didn't get to spend all of the time wtih them, or even as much as you wish you could spend with them.
it hurts. knowing you could have done more but not being able to, because you need to spend your life doing other things as well.
it's a hard life sometimes. it's a hard time paying attention to these needs that we have it s hard making one try and continuing to try regardless.
it makes me tired, it makes it so that we can keep going. because that's what continuing is. it's making sure that you can keep going after all of it.
i came up after years oof talking with my partner, as she wasn't ready to do anything else.
i got introduced to the lovely dog jarvan and was able to spend time with her, and while i was scared at first, it made me so grateful to have her in my life. she was the cuddliest dog, being a dobberman they need to be attached to you al lthe time, or maybe i just needed that.
it's hard to say what is a need you have versus a need that you see the dog needs.
life is interesting that way. you don't realize what it is that you need until you see it in others. or maybe that's just me.
so sometimes you cry, and cry and cry and feel sad and down and things just aren't what they need to be.
sometimes we get close to things that we know will end and more than anythiing we have to accept that and just keep trying to do what we can do. that's really it.
i miss her, even though she wasn't the same towards the end, you never are. whatever towards the end means in thsoe cases.
seeing her slowly decline, then when we found she had lung cancer, watching how the chemo interacted with her body, until it all stopped working.
until we thought that was enough, the time had come. she could no longer do what she enjoyed, eating food, cuddling, being with us. we couldn't help her that much anymore. we just had to leave her, and scheduled her final appointment.
we spent those days leadinng up to it just with her, as that's all we can do. make her as comfortable as we can, and just wait. cry, take pictures, and remember the memories of her.
that's really all we can do right now anyway. and what we will continue to do.
we'll get her ashes back, and keep them in an urn. remember her through the pictures and videos we have taken and continue to just remember her as well as we can.
eventually we will move on in a different way, and that will be
and that will simply be.